13 reasons-rape.

You might call me a bitch but I have figure out the 13 reasons why, it's more like two. Watching her best friend being raped, and then being raped herself. There are side notes of the camera guy who photo her in private times. That sucks, too. Are we to say that 13 reason inspired me too. Because to know things, rape is a strong reason to commit suicide. I've been depressed and suicidal, but never gone down the path. The horrible thing about rape is it a violation of the greatest form of love. It's like spitting horribly on God. It is too sad. Pure love to all the rape victims, it sucked but please get help from the right source.

Binge-13 Reasons Why

I am trying to binge watch 13 reasons why. The only reason I can come up with is that when it is over, you are tired of making reasons why, there are no reasons why. You know it wants to stop. But you run out of reason, b/c no reason is ever good enough, but at the end, you give up. You don't want to call anyone out, b/c they alone can't be responsible. If so&so wasn't a bitch, if so&so did panic over little thing and act like an ass, if so&so did sit on such a high horse. But they never mattered, they shouldn't have but they did, but they shouldn't have. So at the end, it was just time, Time that was a long time coming and why now is better than later or sooner, who knows, but now it is. & there is never a good reason for now or later, & thinking there where reasons, but that is crazy. I am tired. Is that a good excuse. Hell sounds so temping at escaping to loneliness I already feel. At least hell can't judge me. I have failed, me leaving is better than you making me leave. But I have been a failure my whole life, and hell has been a tempting escape but now vs another now. There is always a new now around the corner.

More Batshit Crazy

So, I put on twitter if Kelly Ann Conway was Jesus. Then I kept going crazy more and thinking too much. I was thinking what if Fall Out Boys "The Phoenix" scares the crap out of Trump afraid of what I could do. Then I was thinking what if that songs make you want to jump on horse and lead the troops though hell. Then I was thinking of the Putin pictures, and what if thought about how a man would take his shirt off. And then I was wondering if Putin is one my multi pursonality, and then I was thinking how I always thought a little if Trump was maybe one of mine. Then I was thinking, Putin was Johnathon A. Crow. & Trump was maybe Mathew, and Conway was Elizbeth of the Bethany Elizabeth Mathew. Then would explain how Putin was thought to control the election, b/c I the Former Master of All was bribing people to Trump, a little of the temp of end the world generation. Actually, I'd rather call generation-X, end of the world generation. First, it was suppose to end with 2000. Then there was another hit of 2010 or something. Why not vote for a president that would end it. But back to the wild land. JAC is rank higher that 3 in one person. But then again where is Bethany hiding. But am I in less control & am I just really Bethany any way. Thought it would give Trump another reason to be searching for me like hell. I would say Obama is lying about me, any in reality not in high ranks are suppose to believe I'm dead. I mean the lowest is the highest. Though, another reason Conway would be Jesus. I was thinking if Jesus come now, he's like just be disabled anyway, and yes, I hate to say it but I think Kelly Ann has a little disability in her. Not so much that she can't but not perfect. Or does she have her job b/c she blond, hot, but a little disabled to be a model. But then that reminds me of the pure disabled gal who is a model. There was an article about her wedding like shot. Well, I should just wrap up.

Vampire Chronicles, part II

'Your jacket, this jacket. You are the one who killed my parents, you are the one my parents were protecting me against. You killed them.'
I' love you'
'I loved my parents'
She lets the sword go straight to his heart. Issac laughs in the corner, from above. She pull another arrow out and sends it straight to his heart.
She runs out of the house in tears and meets the carrage outside. Next scence is she being driven away. In the shadow is seen " " stairing after her.

Hate & Headaches

I hate you, and my headache reminds me of how much I hate you. I told myself I needed to leave before I repeated another mistake but I wasn't lucky. Even close. Some person would let me forget my one mistake, and that is frustrating. & yes when the headache fades, and remeat reality, I will forget why I hate. But at the moment I hate you a lot. And there are reasons, maybe they seem crazy and little & worthless, maybe pointless. Maybe I will never be able to process into words how much I hate you. And yes, when the headache fades, I will forget it all. But the thing that is odd, she wouldn't and didn't. In her world there are too many reasons to hate and when my headache is over, those reason will still be there and she will remember them. Maybe, it wasn't me who commanded the world to end, it was just me who remind others that maybe it should end. All I can feel now is that it should again. That everything should come crashing down. And my reason to note command people to again, b/c I love him, accidently, they made out paths cross, and it isn't head over heals, but a goddess who loves her mortals, and says that the pain the feel since the last time I was angry and they jumped on it, they are still suffering, they need not suffer. But my head hurts, and nothing is helping me. Nothing is making this world fall apart. Who needs it standing, if it is causing me this much pain. So, is he trying make me people off health care so they create their own cures. B/c this is crap, if I had the choice I wouldn't waste my money on this crap. But they lie and promise too much. I will have to drown myself in music, since I can't drown myself for real.

Morning

Wait, isn't it evening. Life has been strange, very strange. I was thinking if people knew me, they'd be scared, I'd be scared. I am thinking how I'd sleep with depression. Ok, people think depression, life sucks, but I just want to seduce him/her. Just play games with the games in my head.
Bla, bla, bla, can't I just sleep, crawl into a blanket with depression. He'd be fun. He'd beyond crazy, and a fun beyond crazy. But...bla, bla, bla.

Sometimes, don't you want to blab all your secrets

Sometimes, don't you want to blab all your secrets...that is all I am feeling.

If I told everyone I'm a lesbian they won't believe me b/c I have a hubby, but then be scared out of their mind b/c i'm sort of a sexist lesbian. I work with the hottest gals, I feel ugly in compare. Well, I feel like I work in the rich club but I don't belong there. I'd never say I'm fat, kill myself at the gym or over diet. If some brings donuts in, sometime I got to eat them. But everyone is like donuts are evil. If someone brings them in every week, or every day, but once a month. & yes little oranges or veggies are a nice freebie food, too. But, I like food. I like to eat food. There is balance but don't push in the thin chic club. 

Maybe their all lesbians and afraid i'd judge them, but sometimes lies drive me up a wall.

My other secret, I can read minds, but not easy. My mind speaks in pictures or ideas. Long version 'you the biggest shitty dork ass'. Mind Translation "someone who is angry at someone, and speaking curse words'. So, it losses details. Also, there is a caveat. You know how when you are guilty or keeping a secret, it isn't in your forefront but it is strong. Well, it's loudest to me. Those thought you don't want in forefront, the ones that becomes your whole you, you avoid them, but they are the whole you & that is the you I see. So, if you are you skirting around keeping secrets, they are shouted at me, and that is so annoying. You don't want to face, so I have to. Damn you!!!. 

You know sometimes, actually always, but the world is bigger than you, and sometimes I realize it. It is fucking huge. Sometimes I remember it when I look back at the cool TV shows that where once around and how cool they were. When I hear a song that is just fucking awesome. 

I ramble b/c asses took me off medicine for too long, so I see the big fucking picture & sometimes it's fucking awesome & sometimes is fucking annoying.