A birthday

I really don't want him to be president. The 2025 project could make my marriage to my trans bi-racial wife illegal in too many ways. It was just after Christmas & it was my birthday today. Being the youngest only child, a birthday near Christmas was never a bummer. I'd got double present. But life's been hard lately, my wife was dead & the crippling disease that made walking difficult was getting to me. A shot of wine every hour seemed an answer. Though, soon I was walking & moving like the grace of lara croft tomb raider. The future president was partying down south in FL & down there I went.

Took my spouse's former car & brought my wine with me in case the effects wore off. Driving down the highway, I had to keep the wine in the back seat but also had to not drive like a reckless.

Got to the party entrance & started to use my power to learn people's secrets to get my way into the party. When I got close to him, I asked who was willing to tell me where their gun was & most raised thier hands as my powers were growing. I choices the one who wouldn't tell me, knowing that would be his biggest secret & therefore easiest to find. I pulled from his pants, pointed at the future president & show his right neck, but then remembered the future vp, a bigger threat & took him out. As the commotion happened, I heard the future president got away in ambulance & I aimed to burn it down, as I had all those that cursed me in the past have happen to them this day but the toll rung midnight & my birthday & all the powers that came with it ended. As I collapsed, I thought, I know he's not going to forgive me like john paul 2 once did for his failed assassin.

Come undone

So, come undone by duran duran has an odd video. Meaning I scoped out. Dad was a cross dresser & was caught by daughter. Her world was blown up. Confused that mom & dad still in love, kissing on floating couches but she feels chained & drowning, confused by it.

https://youtu.be/Epj84QVw2rc?si=sA5iIBzXb6H-pyKL

8-1-18

You assume as I lay here failed, destroyed. And yes, I have failed, I will always fail, but one thing that fails more is my ability to die. I am not dead, I am not forever gone. As you walk away in victory, I remember and at most, I learn, I learned. As I continue to live, as I continue to learn, I will come back, and I will keep learning. I will over come the mountain, and I try to refuse to climb, but since I can not stop climbing, I learn how to climb, and I learn how to climb easier. Mountains will getting harder and, damn, I am tired of climbing, but I forced to continue, until someone more powerful than me will let me stop. And I promise you that is not you, because you will never know when I will end, no knows, and I pray to stop, but I will continue to climb, so be nothing but careful.

7-23-18

I am very angry.
I already know everything, & I mean everything.
But if you go, so what do you know, i'll go I don't know, because I sort of don't but I do know everything and treating like I know nothing.
Damn it, it's the pain of really knowing everything.
I mean, at this moment, right now, even you are keeping a secret.
Those live like they have no secrets, but they do. You see those in TV, who are characters, pretending to hold no desires, no secrets. But that is a character, no created deep enough to have a secret, because they were created to not have any. But even if God has forgiven you, you'll remember. And they will be around. You may annoy me less, unless you pretend because you're forgiven, all is free. You will never be free, but you will be less chained. You made a mistake, it will haunt you forever. But at some point it won't haunt, but only if you use it to learn from you mistakes, but the mistake will have always happened So, you will have a secret, and you have desires. Such ass-filled desires. That is where i start to go crazy, because life is hard, and you living your life trying to control my, control my life into a bigger hole in hell. I am tired. You are a dick, you are an ass, I know all your secrets but because I can't put it into words, I can't yell at you for the way you are all those things. It is hard.

13 reasons-rape.

You might call me a bitch but I have figure out the 13 reasons why, it's more like two. Watching her best friend being raped, and then being raped herself. There are side notes of the camera guy who photo her in private times. That sucks, too. Are we to say that 13 reason inspired me too. Because to know things, rape is a strong reason to commit suicide. I've been depressed and suicidal, but never gone down the path. The horrible thing about rape is it a violation of the greatest form of love. It's like spitting horribly on God. It is too sad. Pure love to all the rape victims, it sucked but please get help from the right source.

Binge-13 Reasons Why

I am trying to binge watch 13 reasons why. The only reason I can come up with is that when it is over, you are tired of making reasons why, there are no reasons why. You know it wants to stop. But you run out of reason, b/c no reason is ever good enough, but at the end, you give up. You don't want to call anyone out, b/c they alone can't be responsible. If so&so wasn't a bitch, if so&so did panic over little thing and act like an ass, if so&so did sit on such a high horse. But they never mattered, they shouldn't have but they did, but they shouldn't have. So at the end, it was just time, Time that was a long time coming and why now is better than later or sooner, who knows, but now it is. & there is never a good reason for now or later, & thinking there where reasons, but that is crazy. I am tired. Is that a good excuse. Hell sounds so temping at escaping to loneliness I already feel. At least hell can't judge me. I have failed, me leaving is better than you making me leave. But I have been a failure my whole life, and hell has been a tempting escape but now vs another now. There is always a new now around the corner.

More Batshit Crazy

So, I put on twitter if Kelly Ann Conway was Jesus. Then I kept going crazy more and thinking too much. I was thinking what if Fall Out Boys "The Phoenix" scares the crap out of Trump afraid of what I could do. Then I was thinking what if that songs make you want to jump on horse and lead the troops though hell. Then I was thinking of the Putin pictures, and what if thought about how a man would take his shirt off. And then I was wondering if Putin is one my multi pursonality, and then I was thinking how I always thought a little if Trump was maybe one of mine. Then I was thinking, Putin was Johnathon A. Crow. & Trump was maybe Mathew, and Conway was Elizbeth of the Bethany Elizabeth Mathew. Then would explain how Putin was thought to control the election, b/c I the Former Master of All was bribing people to Trump, a little of the temp of end the world generation. Actually, I'd rather call generation-X, end of the world generation. First, it was suppose to end with 2000. Then there was another hit of 2010 or something. Why not vote for a president that would end it. But back to the wild land. JAC is rank higher that 3 in one person. But then again where is Bethany hiding. But am I in less control & am I just really Bethany any way. Thought it would give Trump another reason to be searching for me like hell. I would say Obama is lying about me, any in reality not in high ranks are suppose to believe I'm dead. I mean the lowest is the highest. Though, another reason Conway would be Jesus. I was thinking if Jesus come now, he's like just be disabled anyway, and yes, I hate to say it but I think Kelly Ann has a little disability in her. Not so much that she can't but not perfect. Or does she have her job b/c she blond, hot, but a little disabled to be a model. But then that reminds me of the pure disabled gal who is a model. There was an article about her wedding like shot. Well, I should just wrap up.